2016: Who'd have thunk it!?

2016.

Who would've thought we'd ever make it this far without Skynet blowing us all up, right?

So, looking back at this old blog, it's been something like 3 years since I published anything. I was talking about how excited I was to have found a drummer for my band, then called The Savages. Fast forward 3 years, we have a drummer and bass player, and in the time that's passed since that last blog post, we've changed our name to Agent 37, released a full length album, a "proper" music video, and have played shows with, and become mates with some amazing bands. The absolute highlight for myself has been supporting Frenzal Rhomb, one of the bands that, without them, I may not be into Punk Rock at all. So, being lucky enough to play a show with them, in our hometown no less, and to meet these guys that were myself and Curt's heroes when we were 15-16 years old, was quite definitely a dream come true.

What's more, they're a fine, upstanding bunch of gentlemen.

But, as we in Agent 37 grow older, family life begins to take shape, and two of our members are now either new fathers, or soon to be a new father. This has meant that we're on somewhat of a break at the moment, unless something major pops up that we can't say no to.

Every cloud has a silver lining however. This break gives me the opportunity to focus on my solo music this year, something that I've wanted to do for a long time, but have never really followed through on. That changes this year.

My solo music has been a bit of a challenge. In the past 5 years my songwriting style has varied hugely, but I'm at the point now where I feel like I'm the most honest version of myself in my songs that I've ever been. I struggle with putting a wall up to not let people in too deep, and that also comes through in my lyrics at times. I listen to my friends songs and to me it sounds like they're taking their heart out of their chest, slapping you in the face with it and saying "THESE ARE MY FEELINGS", and I can't do that. I'm working on it though.
My goal this year is to put as much effort into my own music as I have with the band for the last couple of years, and see what comes of it. I would rather be someone who tried, and didn't get anywhere, than a jaded asshole sitting somewhere complaining that he could have made it if he'd just gotten a chance. Make chances in life people, they don't always come to you.

3 years. What else has changed in 3 years. Well, I was in a relationship for about a year, up until December 2015. It was great, but in the end, it wasn't right for either of us. We're still friends, and I think both happier that way. It was a good experience. If you've followed my blog since the beginning, I probably talked a hell of a lot about a certain previous relationship that didn't end so well. This was my first experience of a positive, healthy, serious relationship. And I'm glad I have that to remember.

This year, just recently in fact, I started DDP yoga. I may have acquired some of the workouts from someone, but my reasoning is this: As you all (should) know, I have a muscle disorder. I didn't want to lay out a hefty sum of cash (once you factor in currency conversion), if the DDP yoga program wasn't something I would be able to physically do.  But.... turns out, I CAN do it. I will talk more in-depth about that in another post. But just know, DDP, if SOMEHOW you read this, I'm buying your stuff, just as soon as I get the money together. I'm into it.

Oh yeah, I MOVED.
I'd lived in the same place for 12 years. 12 years. Can you imagine that? I certainly never could. I moved over a dozen times before I finished high school. I moved state when I was 10. But, since the age of 18, I had lived in the same place, up until November 2015.
Now, I'll admit, I'm not good with change. But this was on a completely different level. Not to mention my new place was aptly dubbed "Spider Manor" by my ex-girlfriend. Little did I know I was moving in to a share-house, already occupied by a family of Huntsman spiders. If you're from anywhere but Australia, those are the ones that are as big as your hand. YES THAT BIG.

But, jump ahead a few months, after evicting the spider family.. well.. I say evicting.. I mean exorcising and cleansing the house of them really, I feel pretty good here. It's still different, but I'm comfortable, it's newer, the roof isn't mouldy (something that began to cause me some pretty bad health issues), and myself, and my awesome 9 year old Garfield-esque tabby Rupert both love it here. Now if I could just find the time to sort out my spare room, that would be great.

I also, in september 2015, was about 4 metres away from Kevin Smith, listening to him talk for over 3 hours about life and taking chances and using your experiences to create something unique. It was amazing. That man. I could listen to him speak forever.

So, 3 years. I'm sure I'm forgetting some important events, which I will try and cover if and when I remember, but, dear reader, I feel like I'm back! I've got some more ideas I want to start to write about, and I feel like, if I can keep my motivation up, this, plus my youtube channel, could become a creative outlet of a different kind, so please tell me what you think, what you'd like to read/hear/see, and leave comments and share and all the things everybody tells you to do when they want you to pimp their shit. Do it for me!

Oh yes, my youtube channel is http://www.youtube.com/c/davidgrimsonmusic Please, go check it out and subscribe if you haven't already!

Smell you later,
Dave

Wrestlemania Eve, Paranoia and Music Galore!

Twas the night before Wrestlemania, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring.. wait.. I'm sitting here writing, that has to count as stirring right?

Hey folks, it's certainly been a little while since I've written a proper blog post. So here's a quick catch up on what's been happening in the last few months.

I made some new friends, one in particular that I get along with so well, I played some gigs, The Savages even got to play a "full band show" with our old drummer who flew in from Perth especially for something else, and just happened to have the time to play a show, I have kept my diet up and am down a little over 8 kilos now (I've still got a long way to go, but it's a pretty decent start I think) And I've cut way back on my facebook usage.

That last one leads me into the subject of this here blog entry.

Once again, that whole confidence thing that I talked about a few months ago is something that I'm still having problems with. So much so that I'm worried that I may have screwed up a budding friendship with a really great person.

I should tell a bit of back story here right? Well, without naming any names or getting too specific, I made a new friend in the last couple of months, and we get along amazingly well. We bonded over some similar circumstances and just clicked. You know what I mean.. you meet someone and you just click instantly? That. That's what happened.

 The problem is, this new friend of mine is a much busier person than me, and frequently goes on trips to melbourne, along with working, and doing all the things most people do. So sometimes it can be hard to get in contact with them. Which, I totally understand and I'm not complaining about it at all. People lead busy lives. I tend not to, but that doesn't give me the right to be like "hey.. why didn't you message me back straight away?"

So, here's my problem. My new friend, let's call her Alice because I'm sick of using pronouns, and plus, Milla Jovovich plays Alice in Resident Evil and she kicks ass. Anyway, Alice has had some hard times lately from what I can gather, but I think because our friendship is still new, she hasn't felt comfortable really talking to me about it, which again, I totally understand. I had some rough times last year, and there was only one friend I felt comfortable talking to candidly about it all, and really, there's still not many people I'll totally open up to when it comes to hard times.

But of course, that didn't stop me from acting like a moron.

Now, when I say moron, I don't mean I said something really dumb, or went totally crazy, and honestly, this could all just be in my head, and I could just be somehow picking the worst time to text Alice lately. Bad timing seems to be the theme with me lately. I met a girl one week too late and she met someone else in between our two dates, a girl told me she thinks I'm great but she'd just gotten out of a relationship with a guy called David, who even LOOKED like me... I even started talking to a girl who was leaving like 2 days later to go on holiday for a month. Just bad timing.

On the plus side, I have a hell of a lot of new songs written.

But back to the story. Really all that's happened is that I haven't heard from Alice in about two weeks. The problem is, I've sent her half a dozen messages in that time, and haven't got a response. Now like I said, my logical brain tells me that's most likely because A: she's not comfortable talking to me at the moment because of what's going on in her life (which, as I said, I completely relate to), and B: I'm picking bad times to text.

But the problem is, and this is the real thing for me, I would text her, get no response, and start this cycle of thinking that goes something like "Oh, she probably hasn't read it/wait, she must have read it, I just saw her online on facebook/she mustn't want to reply to me/oh I'll just say hi on facebook now/ok now I know she saw that message, facebook tells me so/why didn't she reply?/oh man I've screwed this up, I should text her and say sorry/wait no I can't do that, it's too soon/but if I don't talk to her she'll forget about me and we won't be friends/I have to keep in touch otherwise the friendship won't last.

And there is the problem. Last year I felt like I'd lost a really good friend who I have known for about 15 years, because I decided to stop putting all the effort into my friendship with her, and we lost touch. I think that's part of it at least. I feel like, especially with new friendships, I need to keep in regular contact or I'll lose the friend.

But, it's more than that, because I'm not like that with every person I meet. Something's different with Alice. It may be that because I really feel that great connection that I really want us to be friends, and I don't want to lose what we were building. It may be that I feel like I don't have many close friends these days, and want to hold on to those friendships that feel close and good.

I really can't put my finger on what it is, but I know that it definitely has to do with my complete lack of self confidence. I feel like I'm not good enough for Alice, that I have to prove myself worthy to be her friend, and I find myself thinking "why would she want to be friends with me?". And yes, I know that way of thinking is not great, but I can't seem to get away from it. I'm sure she doesn't think like that, and I don't really know why I do.

Well, I mean that's not totally true, I do know where it stems from. But I feel like I should be past all that stuff by now. It's almost been three full years since then.

And a totally separate part of me thinks that I'm just being an idiot and paranoid and that I shouldn't worry about it, and I should do what feels right.

I just don't know which side of me is winning right now.

What I do know is that I really hope I haven't made Alice feel like she doesn't want to be my friend any more. She's a pretty great person, and it makes me sad to know she's having a hard time at the moment. We may have only met a couple of months ago, but my life is better for her being in it, and if that changes, it will most definitely suck.

So that's it, I just needed a place to get all this stuff off of my chest without it being too specific or anything.

Wait, some positive news to end this. That's a good idea right?

I have my first solo gig for 9 months coming up this Thursday night! I'm really excited about it, as well as a bit nervous, but I feel like it's going to go well. As I said earlier, I've been writing a lot of new stuff, so it'll be fun to show off some new material. Let's just hope I have a somewhat decent crowd there to listen to me.

                                                 Here's the promo video I made for the show:
                                        

Also today I bought, for the first time in a long time, some new music DVDS. I'd gone into JB Hifi to pre-order a new xbox game, but walked out with 4 new DVDS. Nirvana Live at Reading, Iron Maiden: Maiden England 88, Johnny Cash live in Denmark, and End of the Century: The Story of the Ramones (which is an amazing documentary).

Oh and I forgot to pre-order the game. Smart stuff huh?

Also I've recently purchased a new video camera and Tablet, so from now on, I'll be able to play Angry Birds on a bigger screen and then make a full  HD video blog about it.

Good times!

That's it folks, thanks for reading, sorry it was mostly a downer.

There's really only one thing left to say.
WRESTLEMANIA TOMORROW BABY! 21-0

And I'm done.

The second weigh in!

Hey folks,

I'm back with another blog! This time it's just a short update on how my diet is going.. or "meat-tox". I'm sure some of you have seen the videos I've put up and therefore know that it is in fact going well. And some of you would also have seen the last post I wrote with some of those videos in it as well.

Today is day 11. As of today, Day 11, I have lost approximately 3.5 kilos. So it's fair to say, it's working.

My diet has mainly been the same each day, at least the lunch portion:
1 Roll, with Ham (or other sandwich meat), and then some other protein-rich foods on the side, like kabana, or cheese, or salami sticks (or "twiggy sticks"), and a small amount of 70% cocoa dark chocolate.

No snacks.

Dinner has been one of two things; either something that I have in my freezer, mainly chicken, mainly about 400g in total weight, with no sides, which means no chips, no hash browns, wedges, or vegetables, or anything like that.

The other option for dinner has been take-away. Being either McDonalds, or KFC. My choices from McDonalds have been the Triple Cheeseburger, The Double Quarter Pounder and a McDouble.
And from KFC, 10 "wicked wings", or (on tuesdays because they have a deal at the moment) 9 pieces of original recipe chicken.

To drink I have had water. And occasionally, some soft drink, but not much. And one or two small chocolate milk cartons. Oh and regular milk too.

So I've cut out snacking on things like regular chocolates, or maltesers, or pretzels, or anything at all really. I've cut out buying meals from take away places, so that I don't get chips, or potato and gravy, or drinks. And while you may look at what I buy from McDonalds and say "that's too much" ... just remember that while it's too much for you, and it's bad for you, I've lost 3.5 kilos in 11 days while eating that. It's about the protein, and to a lesser extent, the fat. Yes, there are carbs in the rolls, and the buns, but that is basically the only carbs I'm eating, or .. at least the only "high carb" foods.

Remember, my condition is such that my body can't process carbs into energy, and therefore has to use other energy sources, like protein and fat. When I do eat carbs, they are turned into fats and stored that way (hence the struggle to lose weight), or at least the part that would normally be used for energy is, as I can't "make" it, or store it.

So my body finds alternate ways of fuelling itself. This is where the protein and fat comes into it. Fat is used as energy when exercising slowly (i can't remember where i heard that, but it was somewhere that I trust), and as I only walk on my treadmill at an average of about 2.4 km/h, I'm pretty sure that counts as slow. And Protein is basically instant energy. It can't be stored up for later use though. And if fats are stored.. well.. you get fat obviously.

So, while you may think I'm eating unhealthily, or I'm not getting enough nutrients, or vitamins, or any of that stuff, before you start telling me (because believe me, people tell me how to eat a lot), just remember I'm not like you. And more importantly, this diet is working for me. So don't try to fix something that isn't broken.

Oh, and last time my cholesterol was checked, it was 3.5. The LOW end of normal.

Facts.

Also remember one can take vitamin supplements.

Thanks for reading folks, stay tuned for more updates, both here, and on my youtube channel.

www.youtube.com/davidgrimsonmusic

P.s I do NOT recommend anyone who does not have my condition to try this diet. You will get fat. And you will blame me, and I don't need that!

P.P.s I'm not gloating about being able to eat Take-away. It's simply an easy way for me to get what I need for my body to work.

The weigh in!

Hey folks,

Really quick post today, but I just wanted to give you all an update on my new dieting and meat-tox and what not. I decided to weigh myself this morning (Saturday morning), just to see if there'd been any improvement since starting this new diet on Tuesday. I was expecting maybe to lose a couple hundred grams, but to my surprise, the numbers had changed quite a bit more than that.

Here's a quick video in which I talk about just what that change was.

Take a look, and like, share, comment, subscribe, tweet, post, pin, add and all the usual social media stuff!

Follow me @D_Grimson on twitter, and like my facebook pages!
www.facebook.com/DavidGrimsonMusic
www.facebook.com/TheSavages37

Also just quickly, if anyone is interested in music lessons, I'm starting up skype music lessons as soon as I get some interest, so let me know on here, or go to www.facebook.com/DavidGrimsonOnlineMusicLessons

The first three days,

Hi folks,

So I thought I'd give you all a bit of an update to let you know how the first few days of this "meat-tox" that I'm trying is working out. I've already lost some weight, which is good news, and I'm feeling good in general about what I'm eating. I bought some 70% cocoa dark chocolate, which is what was recommended to me to eat if I wanted chocolate way back in 2006, and I haven't touched any of the regular chocolate in my fridge since Monday.

I've made a video each day for the first three days, and here they are!

Day One

Day Two

Day Three

If you haven't checked them out, please do. I don't think they'll be daily videos for the entire month, because, quite frankly, I don't think that would be very interesting. But I am going to do at least weekly videos.

I really want some feedback (unless you're vegetarian, and you're just going to tell me meat is murder), so please watch them, and leave me a comment on here, or on the videos themselves.

Thanks!

The Meat-tox

Hey guys, really quick post today... I only have 6 minutes before the Royal Rumble starts, and I don't want to miss it.

So, here it is. I've put on some weight again recently, and that's not a good thing for me, for a lot of reasons. SO, I'm starting what I'm going to call a "meat-tox" tomorrow. Think of it the same way as a detox, but with meat.

The reason it's a Meat-tox, is because if I did a detox, my body would literally stop working and start eating itself. Scary huh?

The basic idea is that I'm going to completely stop eating all the stuff that I know is really bad for me that I've been eating too much of recently, and also to really cut back in general on the amount of carbs I eat, because carbs are not my friend.

To help keep myself accountable I'm going to be doing video diaries and blogs about how I'm going. Firstly I'm trying for a month, to see how well it works, and if there's any little tweaks I need to do to keep things going well.

                                                So here's the first video diary entry thing.



Wish me luck!

It's time, it's time for a punk rock party

Hello folks,

I feel like this year is getting off to a much better start than last year. Without going into too much detail (and so I don't jinx myself) let's just say that I had a lot of stuff to deal with in a short amount of time last year, and it took a while to wrap my head around it all.

But this year, I have a band, I have a new(er) car, and I have the drive and determination to make things happen.

I also have the option to start a Bachelor of Arts course mid year this year.

I'm not sure if I'm going to accept the place in the course though, as my main focus is my band, The Savages.

That's what this blog is going to be about. My band.

The Savages really started about 12 years ago, when my best friend and I met, and had a music class together in high school.
We basically spent that entire year playing music together, and all of the years since.

We didn't actually form any official band until 2005, when we started our hard rock band, Abandoned Dream, which eventually morphed into our heavy metal band, Anihilism, which we stayed with until 2009 when we basically just stopped.

With these first two bands though, there always felt like a bit of a lack of drive, a lack of intent to get anywhere. We'd rehearse only occasionally, even when we had the few shows that we did play. Everything just felt like, well at least to me, that I was just waiting for stuff to happen, without putting much effort in on my end.

So, I took a break from music between 2009, and the first half of 2010. Oh, I should mention through all of this time with the other bands, I'd also been playing solo music. I've never been stuck inside only one genre of music. I feel like that would be far too limiting..I've written Metal songs, pop songs, punk songs, acoustic songs, even jazz and blues, and I have aspirations to try my hand at progressive rock, but I don't know that I have the skill at the moment.

So 2011 rolled around, and Curt and I started talking seriously about starting a band. We'd had a few conversations about it already, even written a couple of songs, but it wasn't until 2011 that we really got excited by the idea of starting a new band. Around that time we also went to see a band called Teenage Bottlerocket. I became immediately enthralled with the style of punk that they play. It's not as hardcore as a lot of punk that I'd been exposed to, and also not as poppy as what I'd traditonally called "pop punk". My definition for this term "pop punk" had been changed forever...and for the better too I might add.

So after that I started listening to more real Pop punk. Bands like Teenage Bottlerocket of course, but also The Lillingtons, The Queers, Screeching Weasel, The Huntingtons, and of course, The Ramones. I started writing what would become some of the first Savages songs, although the band didn't have a name at that point. I think at one point we were talking about calling ourselves "The Snowballs".. You see, we wanted a reference to the movie Clerks, because it is both myself, and Curt's favourite movie. And anyone who's seen Clerks, will know exactly where the Snowball reference would have come from. Incidentally, that's also why we use the number 37 for some of our band stuff, and The Savages is also a Clerks reference. (Bunch of Savages in this town...)

So we'd started writing, and even started rehearsing a little. And then, we saw Batfoot!, this awesome pop punk band from the Central Coast of NSW. In fact, I went to all three of their shows, in three nights. Which, for me, was a really massive effort. But I enjoyed myself so much the first night in Melbourne, that I decided I had to go to the Geelong show, and the final show was in Ballarat, which was easy for me to go to. It was awesome.

The Savages first T-shirt

Seeing Batfoot! gave us the final kick in the pants we needed. We came up with a name, we got a set of songs together, and we played our first gig in June 2012.

Since then, we've played nearly a dozen "plugged" shows with some amazing bands, and played four or five acoustic punk shows. However, the best show we've played was the last "plugged" show we did, where we were lucky enough to play with Batfoot!, which was amazing. We got to hang out with the guys, and just generally have an awesome time. We talked about us going up to NSW to play shows with them as well, which is one of our goals for this year.

Unfortunately we also lost our drummer just after that gig (we had a different drummer for the batfoot! show too because of double booking on our old drummer's part), and since then (the start of december) we haven't been able to find a replacement.

The plus side though, is that even though we have no drummer, we can still play these acoustic shows. I really love that the music that we've written translates to acoustic gigs, as well as a full band setup. I really feel like this band can go somewhere, and that is what motivates me to keep it going.

This past week we also recieved our first batch of "The Savages" T-shirts. There's a picture of them up there ^.

I feel so good about this band. It feels like the right style of music, the right time, and it all just fits together really well. Curt and I are on the same page when it comes to writing music, and when we come together with a song one of us has written, the other always adds something more to it to make it even better. We've got something like 25-30 songs that are fully written, maybe not gig-ready, but fully written. We've set ourselves some goals, and we intend to do our very best to achieve them.

We also plan to at least try to start a podcast, and also a video diary of sorts, the latter of which, we've actually already started.
Here's the link to the first ever Savages video diary. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZXlucZFnYQ

We also have a show coming up at Dogs Bar in St Kilda on the 12th of February. Hopefully just one in a large number of shows we have planned for this year.

To finish up, I'm really happy with how this band has come about, doing so much in such a short amount of time, and with such a clear vision of where we want to go.

I'll keep all you blog readers up to date with how the band progresses, but for now, I'm outta here.

Faking it, and Throwing the Bat at it!

I have a funny, strange, weird and slightly creepy story to share with you all, dear readers.

A little background first.

I'm a single guy as most of you know, and because of my condition, I find it harder to go out to places to meet people. Because of that I use online dating sites. I'm not embarrassed by this. The way life is today, with online being such a huge part of all of our lives, it's no different to meeting someone in any other way, except that you're not physically in the same room when you start talking. Which, I think can actually be a good thing. People sometimes make snap judgements based on someone's physical appearance, so if you take that away, and just have the actual conversation part of getting to know someone, it can be a very good thing.


However, occasionally that can also be a bad thing.

And that leads me to my story. It's a short story, but worth telling nonetheless.

I recently (last night in fact) started talking to a girl, who, from her profile, sounded great. Into the same kind of music as me, liked the same kind of movies, a bit alternative.. and overall just like a nice person. So we started chatting last night and got along really well. Even more similar tastes in music, and movies, and just in general I found her easy to chat to, and really nice and interesting.

There was one little red flag which I didn't notice too much at the time.. but in hindsight, was a bit iffy.

She has a lot of tattoos in her pictures, so naturally I asked how many she had in total. Her response was "well I have my arms done, my upper legs and my whole back".. If you have tattoos.. you know exactly how many you have, unless they are sleeves.. which these aren't.

So after today, I realised that should have been a warning sign.

Today, she put some new pictures up on her profile. Something didn't feel 100% right.. and for me, I trust my instincts totally.. or at least I'm trying to. So, I used google to search one of her images, to see if it appeared anywhere else.

It did.

Apparently this "girl".. has taken pictures from the blog of a hairdresser who lives  in London, and passed them off as her own. Which is really puzzling to me. And it reminds me of a movie/documentary that I saw a couple of years ago called Catfish.

I have in fact, in the last 5 minutes just talked to "her" some more, and I asked her which one of her tattoos is her favourite.. her response.. "my arms". Again.. her arms aren't covered in tattoos.

So it's a strange feeling I have at the moment. Part of me wants to have a go "her" and report her.... part of me wants to just say "I know you aren't the person in those pictures".. and part of me wants to mess with "her".. because "she" has messed with me.

The creepy part is not knowing the reasons behind the fake pictures.. It could be as simple as her not being comfortable showing herself online, but it could also be that .. "she" is a he, or a hacker, or some kind of criminal.

I think what I'm going to do is just block and report the profile. I don't want anything to do with someone who isn't who they say they are.

I also just don't understand (other than for nefarious means) what the point of not putting a photo of yourself is.. I mean, what happens if it's just that they aren't comfortable showing themselves online, but then you meet and they look nothing like their photo? If that happened to me, I'd leave straight away. That would be absolutely it. Lying is one thing I won't put up with.. and trust to me is the biggest and most important thing for a relationship to work.

So that's my little story. I hope you all enjoyed it.

Online dating.. usually good, sometimes creepy.


Also as a little addition, I just wanted to talk about the big moment in the Twenty20 Cricket last night.. For those that didn't see it .. here's what happened:

Marlon Samuels (who plays for the Renegades), while bowling, grabbed one of the Stars players (David Hussey)'s shirt while he was running between wickets, essentially preventing him from taking an extra run.

So, in the 2nd Innings, Shane Warne (the captain of the Stars) was bowling to Marlon Samuels, and at the end of his over, walked up the pitch towards him and said "Come on Marlon.. why don't you grab some more people".. and then this little nugget.. "Fuck you Marl..." and his mic was cut off. Yes, he was wearing a microphone AND they had a close up of him as he said it as well.

So that in itself was amazing. You never see or hear things like that in cricket.

But that wasn't the end of it. The next over, Warne fielded a ball and, as he put it, tried to throw it to the Wicketkeeper, but in fact hit Marlon Samuels in the arm. Now I think that he did it on purpose out of anger and frustration, so I'm not condoning it. But I'm really not condoning Marlon Samuel's reaction either. Oh.. what was his reaction you ask? He threw his bat sort of at Warne, but sort of not. The point is he threw his bat up in the air, and down the pitch, which was really uncalled for.

It certainly added a lot of extra drama to the match. Unfortunately Marlon Samuels got hit in the eye while facing another bowler (purely accidental, the ball came up off the edge of his bat and went in between the peak of his helmet and the grill), and it looks like he's hurt pretty badly. So hopefully he is ok, and can at least play in the ODI's for the West Indies in a few weeks.

So that's what happened. I think it was a situation that got out of control, but the umpires and other players handled it really well, and defused the situation very quickly. It's funny to me that a verbal altercation and an "accidental" ball hitting someone is described as "the worst fight in world cricket"... If you compare that to a typical fight in the NRL or in AFL.. there's almost nothing to even talk about. No-one punched anyone, and Warne's throw that hit Samuels was under-arm and not thrown hard at all. I think it's because we never see that amount of aggression that people have been so shocked by this incident.

Personally I don't think it was ever going to go any further.. Marlon Samuels is a massive tall West Indian, and Shane Warne, while feisty, is a lot shorter and smaller than him. And he's also not stupid enough to fight in the middle of a cricket match. Just to speed in his car while being part of an anti-speeding campaign.

Here's a short video of the first part of the altercation (warning: there is swearing in it.. so don't watch it with a kid around!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2a1Tv9rNHM

That's it for this one folks, hope you liked it... comment, like, chat, let me know.. and I'll be back soon. Possibly on video as well!

Goals for the year and rabbits in hats.

Everyone seems to be doing it, so why not me too right?

At the start of every year, people make new year's resolutions. Well, not me. I just set some goals for myself.

So I thought I'd write a blog talking about that. And maybe what I got up to for new years eve. After all, this is a blog about my life, so why not include life event things right? Who knows what might come out onto this page.. er.. file?.. Post! That's what they're called.

So new years eve.. I'm not much of a party guy these days. I don't like big crowds (with the exception of gigs), I really don't like being around a bunch of really drunk people (again, I can make exceptions at gigs), and I don't like clubs and the music that's played at them. Basically, to me going to a club is essentially me going somewhere full of people I have nothing in common with who I don't want to be around, doing things I don't like doing and listening to crap music. Not my idea of a good time.

So for the third year in a row I think, I went to my best friend's place. He was having a small party, which suits me much better.
Really there's not a lot to tell.. we had some food, told a lot of stories and jokes, ribbed each other, played some trivia, and had a great time.

Oh, actually, one highlight for me was performing a magic trick.

Now I know what this blog is going to be about. Goals, and magic.

I got really interested in learning magic a few months ago, after seeing this video (this is my first attempt at embedding something so if it doesn't work, i'll put the link at the end of the blog)

This is a magician called Shawn Farquhar on a show Penn and Teller did called Fool Us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ2ebs9F1ek

So after seeing that trick (and watching it probably 15 times), I found myself wanting to learn how to do card tricks. I've always liked magic...my mum tells me I used to do bad card tricks when I was a kid, and I vaguely remember getting a magic set at some point too. I love the performance side of it, and the technical skill involved especially interests me. And, if you watch that trick, it is just about flawless. Even a few months later, learning all that I've learned about sleight of hand, I have no idea how he does what he does. (Neither do Penn and Teller though, so I don't feel too bad)

So I decided to buy a couple of decks of cards. A couple quickly became a couple of dozen. It's become something of an addiction to me. I didn't realise at first that there were collectors of playing card decks, but I've quickly become one. I have around 40 decks at this point. The great thing about them is that even though they're not that readily available in Australia, the decks aren't too expensive. Sure, some can get up to $20 and above, but in general they range from about $5 to $15, so I've spent a little bit of money on them, but there are much worse things to spend money on.

My favourites in my collection at this point are the few black decks that I have. They're incredible looking. I also have a deck where the hearts and diamonds are coloured blue instead of red, which I love.

What I've found though, and this may sound like a strange comparison, is that learning sleight of hand and card magic, and cardistry, is a lot like learning how to play the guitar.

I know what you're thinking.. No it's not! Guitars have strings!

You're absolutely right. But, learning card sleights is all about muscle memory, exactly the same way that learning to play the guitar is. For example, I can remember when I first started learning guitar, changing chords was almost impossible to do fluently. In the same way, learning to riffle shuffle cards is all about muscle memory. When I first started trying to shuffle the cards like this (the way magicians do), I was fumbling all over the place and found it almost impossible.. and even thought about giving it up. But, I persevered, and mastered it. I've focused more on learning techniques to start with rather than just jumping into learning tricks, though I have a few simple tricks under my belt, including the one I performed for my friends at new year's... where I turned a red card blue.

This leads me into the other subject I wanted to talk about in this post, being my goals for the year.

1. Get better at card magic, and grow my collection of cards.

This one is pretty simple.. I'd like to be able to do more than one trick convincingly, and get much better at the sleight of hand stuff. And obviously buy more cards.

2. Confidence.

I have this weird lack of self confidence. I want to change that. It's mainly with people I don't know, my friends and family, and people that I'm comfortable with, I have no problem being confident and outgoing. But, as my single friends and readers will know, it's a very different story when it's someone you're meeting as a possible romantic prospect. I need to figure out a way for my confidence I have with my friends to come through when meeting new people.

3. Maintain my exercise and diet and lose more weight.

Another simple one. I want to lose at least another 10 kilos this year, and hopefully more like 20. If I stick fairly closely to my diet and keep walking every day, it's going to happen.

4. Get at least one tattoo.

I tweeted at Kevin Smith telling him I was going to get one of his quotes tattooed on me and he favourited the tweet, so I have to do that at some point. Oh.. and just so you don't think i'm getting a ton of words put on me, the quote is "Why not?" The full quote is in this picture:

5. Find a new drummer for my band.

This one is a "has to happen soon" goal, as we've got some gigs tentatively booked in the coming months. Pretty simple really.

6. Get my band to greater heights

We have some goals in our band, some of which we've already achieved, but we still have a lot left to do. This year we'll release our first cd, have our first merchandise available to buy, and play some shows interstate.

Some other goals I want us to achieve are to get played on the radio (if we can find a radio station that plays punk), get into some magazines or so some kind of interviews, and there are some bands we want to play with, and have hear our music somehow as well.


That's about it really, I mean there are things that are a little out of my control like start a new relationship, or make some money.. but those 6 are my main goals for the year.



Oh, one last thing, I'm thinking as I said in a previous post, of starting a video blog. Let me know if you like this idea, and I'll see what I can come up with.

That's it for this installment. Thanks for reading.

It's been quite a year

Well.. It's the last day of 2012, and I find myself reflecting back on the year I've had, as I'm sure many of you are doing. Or you're already drunk. Either way, fun times!

So, I thought I'd write a post talking about my year, and my goals for next year. Not resolutions as such.. just things I would like to achieve.

A lot happened for me this yeas, as I'm sure it did for you. It started with my ex-step-dad Dave (it's complicated I know) telling me he was planning to move to Queensland, which I took... not so well. He had, for a long time, been the main father figure in my life, and had always been 5 minutes away, if not in the same house, for the past 16 years. So needless to say, it wasn't an easy goodbye. We've stayed in touch.. but not as much as I'd like.

Skipping ahead while I'm on the Dad bit, in the middle of the year I got back in touch with my "real" Dad as it were, Kevin, who lives in New South Wales. I haven't seen him since my wedding back in 2009, and I hadn't talked to him for about a year and a half at the time I decided to get in touch with him again. I'm glad I did, because we've managed to re-kindle a friendship that we hadn't really had for a long time. I think he sees me as an adult now, which is good, and we have some health issues in common (he wears a caliper on one leg and has trouble walking and what not), so we have a common ground we can always talk about. Which is great. I had a lot of fun going to stay with my Dad when I was young, and I'm glad we've got past the issues we had.


So back to the beginning of the year. Only a few weeks after Dave left, my cat Sabbath got sick, and unfortuntately he had to be put down. That was just as hard, if not a little harder than Dave leaving, because.. well Dave is still alive!
As hard as it was, I know it was the right thing to do, rather than have him live in pain. Saying goodbye to him, and being in that room while the vet did what they had to do, was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But he got so many pats, and he was told he was a good boy, and the last thing he heard and saw was me. It's a hard thing when a pet dies. It makes me think of a Kevin Smith quote, when he was talking about losing one of his dogs early this year... "They spend basically their whole lives with you, but you can't spend your whole life with them".

I still miss him, but I have so many fond memories, that I usually am happy thinking about him. He would rear up on his back legs and rub his cheek on my leg, and he would get scared of his own tail and make himself jump... he was awesome.

It affected my other cat Rupert as well, he's become more attached to me, but he's also calmer these days. I think he was stressed out when Sabbath was sick, and it took a while for him to get past it. But he's much better now, and I think quietly loves being the only cat again.

In April, my mum and her husband Joe moved from Melbourne, up here to Ballarat. That was a big thing for me, especially after Dave leaving. My condition makes it such that having someone close by all the time who I can rely on in case I need help, or can't move, or pass out is a big stress reliever. Plus, it's nice to be able to have lunch at mum's once a week. Free food is the best food right?

May, was my birthday. Nothing much happened there.. just my birthday.

Oh, I know what happened in may. I began a relationship with someone. It only lasted two months unfortunately, but when things aren't right, they aren't right. She and I are still great friends, and even though things didn't work out, I wouldn't change anything. She's happy with her boyfriend, and I'm really happy to have her as a friend.

June.. well that's an easy one. The band got a name, and played it's first show. We ran through a bunch of names before coming up with The Savages... The Snowballs, The SavageRs, Bunch of Savages, and a few more.
Our first show wasn't the most amazing beginning. We supported a band that sounded nothing like us, and the crowd that was there weren't exactly there to see us. I distinctly remember saying the following: "So.. has anyone heard of Elvis Presley?" ... and there were crickets. Crickets! Oh, until one hipster idiot said in a stupid voice "Is he on australian idol?" ... ugh.. hipsters. We were also a four-piece for that show interestingly.

Since then however, we've become a three piece (and at the moment, a two-piece) and played some amazing shows, mostly in Melbourne. We played once in Ballarat, and once in Geelong at The Nash, just before it closed down. We played one of the final gigs at the Barleycorn in Melbourne as well, which was a lot of fun.

But the biggest show that we played, was in fact our last show we've played as a full band at this point. It was also the hardest show to make happen.

Last year we saw a band called Batfoot!. This was the band that inspired Curt and I to start a pop/punk band. So when we saw that they were coming back to Victoria (they are from New South Wales) we wanted to play a show with them. So we got in touch with Craig, the Bass player/singer, and tried to get ourselves a slot on one of the shows.

Craig managed to get us a spot on their geelong show, but a few weeks later, we found out that The Nash, where the gig was meant to be, was closing down, and would be closed about 3 weeks before our show was scheduled.

So with very short notice, I emailed every single venue I'd played gigs at just about, and had no luck. The closest we got was an afternoon gig on the same day our original show was scheduled for. So it looked like we were going to have to cancel the show, which sucked. Then, this great little venue called IDGAFF had a cancellation for the night our show was meant to be, and they gave the night to us with about 8 days to spare!

So all went well, we played the show, and had the best time. We've got plans to go up to NSW next year some time and play some shows up there with Batfoot!, and just generally hang out and have a great time. I personally can't wait to do that, it'll be great to play shows up there, being that I lived up there until I was 10.


We also have plans to record our first EP/Album (depending on how many songs we get recorded) early next year, possibly even next month. Also, we'll be getting our first batch of Savages T-Shirts early next year so that's awesome too!

Also this year I applied for a Bachelor of Arts degree at University, and I got in. Unfortunately, after having a look at the campus, and how the classes worked, I basically figured out I physically couldn't handle that and the band. And being that the band was just getting on it's feet when the course was going to start, I decided to defer for now. I have until the end of january to decide if I want to start this semester, or defer it again, or just pass on the course altogether.


Some smaller things that happened... I bought/got 3 new guitars due to the Allans music store in ballarat closing. They had 3 Left-handed electric guitars left, and I got all three of them! Two squier strats, one being an affinity series, and the other a standard series, and one Schecter Omen. I absolutely love the Schecter, I only paid $315, reduced from $550. It plays like a much more expensive guitar, and is near perfect. I do wish I'd had the money to buy the next model up, which has coil-tapping (turning the humbucker pickups into single-coil pickups.. technical I know), but I'm so happy with the one I got.

I reached (and passed) walking every single day on my treadmill for a year. In fact now, I'm up to around 520 days. The next goal is 600, and obviously then 700, and finally 2 years. I'm thinking I may take a day off when I get to 1000... but I doubt it.

I finally got a gigging amp as well. Without it, playing in my band would almost not be possible. It's the loudest thing I've ever played through. Most of the time I have it on about 3 (out of 10) and get told it's too loud.

I got a laptop that lets me play minecraft without it overheating. As well as a lot of other things that it does well.

I also gave up alcohol completely, and stopped drinking caffeine.


Oh, and of course, I got a new car. My mum held a raffle through her social club, and they raised about $6000.. and I finally got a car that works, with air conditioning, a cd player, power windows... all standard things these days, but to me, having never had those things before, I finally feel like I have a modern car.

So that's my year basically.. ups and downs yes, but more ups than downs definitely, and especially in the second half of the year.

So thanks to all my friends and family for being awesome, especially my best mate Curt. And my Mum.

Also thanks to all the new friends I've met, you guys are all awesome and I'm so glad to have met you.

That's it really, I hope everyone enjoys their new year celebrations, stay safe, please be careful on the roads, don't drink too much, don't drink and drive.. don't sit on a firework as it's going off.. and most importantly have fun!

See you all in 2013!!

P.S If anyone lives on a state border where there's a time difference.. tonight you have the rare opportunity for time travel! Jump back and forth over the border.. and you'll be in 2012 on one side, and 2013 on the other! Spooky!!

I'm not like you: Part 3 (re-post)

Well, I said there'd be a part three to this.. so now no-one can call me a liar. Are you calling me a liar? Yeah.. you.. in front of your computer... well no more!



Ok...that was a weird intro.

So this is going to be the third post in this series (it's a series now) of posts I've done about my condition, and how it affects me. Now, this isn't a "oh.. everybody needs to feel sorry for me because I'm different" thing, I don't feel sorry for myself, so why should anyone else? Nor am I saying that my problems are any worse or harder than anyone else's who has to deal with disabilities or impairments. This is simply my way of getting information about my condition out there, and also maybe give my friends a little more understanding about all this stuff.


The other thing that I distinctly remember from writing the last two posts, is that I actually cement things in my head by writing them down, and in a way, I learn things about myself by writing about them.



So it's been about a year and a half since I wrote part two. I've learned quite a few new things about my condition, and made a few new changes in my life to help better deal with it as well. And for the most part, it's all been a success.


One thing that I'm not sure I mentioned in the first two posts, is about headaches. I used to suffer regular migraines, and do still occasionally get them. I get really bad pains in my neck which radiates up to my head mainly. But, the reason that I used to get them so much was because of my hair, and how long it was. Tying it back 90% of the time put extra pressure on my neck (as I'm sure it does for everyone else), and adding that to the muscle aches and pains, made getting a headache quite an easy thing.



So I guess that's an explanation for people who didn't know as to why I cut my hair off a couple of years ago. That and well.. your wife leaving you makes you want to make some changes after a little while.


As I said, I made some changes in my life to help with my condition. The first was that I made a pact, or a commitment, to get on my treadmill every single day without fail. And since I decided that, I have walked on that treadmill no matter what, every day for 518 days. Some days I've only managed two minutes, or five minutes, but for the better part, I've been doing my 30 minutes every day.


I can't tell you how much this has helped. Actually, I have a blog, so I can. I can boil it down to this. If I hadn't started that, and walked every day for as long as I have, I wouldn't have a band. I physically would not be able to handle playing gigs. I'd be in so much pain. I've talked before about things like cleaning my teeth can wear me out. Yeah, it can, when I don't stick to my exercise.



Let me just clarify though, the walking doesn't build fitness. Things that people without my condition wouldn't think twice about, like a shower, or doing the grocery shopping, they still wear me out. The walking builds conditioning and stamina to allow my body to function better. So I may get tired out, but I recover quicker, and I've also noticed that I can do things for longer, like playing gigs or rehearsing, and even the grocery shopping doesn't tire me out quite as much.


That was the biggest change definitely, but I've made some smaller ones. Diet is another big one. This one is really recent actually. I was talking to a vegetarian actually (don't get me started.. ) and they were trying to tell me I should find vegetarian alternatives for my protein.. after I'd explained that it HAD to be animal protein, not things like nuts, or tofu or any other vegetarian crap. (seriously, don't get me started.) But she asked me why it had to be animal protein, and I had no answer other than "That's what my specialist told me". I had theories though... I thought maybe it had to be animal protein because it's made of the same stuff my muscles are made of essentially.



But I wanted to find out more, so I was researching diets associated with my condition. What I came across was really interesting. It turns out that a high protein but also high FAT (yup.. high fat) diet tends to work well for people with my condition. And, I can totally attest to that.


Let me give you an example, because I'm sure you're sitting there going "if you eat a high fat diet, you're going to get fat".. or "but there's good fats and bad fats"... or "you're just using it as an excuse to get an extra quarter pounder, fatty". Well, let me tell you something, my normal bodied friends...

When I got back from New York in 2006, I weighed about 115 kilograms. I made massive changes to my diet based on the information from my specialist, but because I was (and am) on a limited budget, I couldn't get lean meats in big enough quantities. Remember, I have to eat 500 grams of "animal protein" a day.. at least. That is the equivalent weight of 4 quarter pounder patties plus the cheese.


So my diet consisted of those Twiggy Sticks (salami sticks essentially), very little bread, as much protein as I could get for dinner (I think there were things like homemade pizza.. but it was 6 years ago..), but my main point is, every 3 days or so I'd have McDonalds. I would have a Big Mac, a Quarter Pounder, and a McChicken.


You're all sitting there saying "that's too much take away". FOR YOU IT IS. But I'll get to that.


For me, it worked. I ate a high protein, and, without really meaning to, a high fat diet. I walked on my treadmill 2 out of every 3 days for only 10 minutes each day (not as much as I'm doing now), and in 6 months, I went down to 100 kilograms. So all your "too much fat" arguments are invalid.


Now this is where I get a pet peeve of mine off of my chest. Yes, eating take away is bad. Yes, a high fat diet is bad. But the problem is, every single person I've discussed this with is looking at it from a "normal" person's perspective. Your bodies work properly. Mine does not. It (in my opinion) has compensated for that by being able to process fats and protein better. I look at it in the same way as a blind person's other senses are heightened. My body's ability to process, and use up fats is "heightened".


But even if that's not true, studies have shown that a high fat diet works for people with my condition, and I have shown myself that I can lose weight, even if I eat higher fat foods. So, please, anyone who reads this, don't come to me with your ideas about what I should eat. I've tried everything you can think of.


I will also point out that I had a cholesterol test done during this year. The result was a cholesterol level of 3.5 which is at the lower end of normal. Again, your too much fat argument is invalid.


That's another thing. People say to me "you don't have to eat take away though.. you should cook more". Ok yes. You are correct. But how many of you get tired from preparing something to put it in the oven, let alone bend down to put it in the oven?


I've had a lot of suggestions. And, I know they're coming from a helpful place, but again, it's coming from a place where people don't have to think about energy conservation within their own body. Someone I was talking to a couple of weeks ago suggested I cook all my meals at the start of the week, and that way I'd have enough food and wouldn't need McDonalds. This is absolutely true. But I don't have the energy to cook 14 meals, or 7 meals at once. Take away is easier than cooking. I know it involves driving and that seems counter-intuitive, but I know how my body feels, and when I'm feeling tired, driving is easier than cooking and preparing, because I drive more often than I cook. It's all about conditioning.


Incidentally, I've lost about 3 kilograms in a month, trying out this high fat, high protein diet. So it works.


The other change that I made in my diet is to allow for a certain amount of carbs every day. Originally I tried to cut out all the carbs, but I'd found that I was hungry a lot, and also I felt better once I began to eat between 100g and 200g of carbs a day. Really the only thing I worry about with my food these days is the quantity of carbs that I've eaten for the day.

The best example I can give you for this working happened a couple of days ago. Christmas day. I spent it with my Mum and her husband Joe. We had roast pork and turkey, vegetables, and some christmas desserts. There was some leftover pork, and Mum gave me some of it to take home for dinner. So, that night, my evening meal consisted of pork, and turkey. That's all. No carbs, just protein.


I managed to walk 15 minutes on my treadmill before the pain got to be too much. And that whole night, I ached more than I do normally, and everything just felt worse.


The problem is with protein, is that you absorb and use it all very quickly. There's no storing it for later. This is basically the crux of what makes my condition hard to manage, and also in some cases, so debilitating. Carbs are broken down into glycogen, which is stored as energy for muscles. My body doesn't do that, so I have to get energy from protein mainly, which does not store. Fat obviously does store, and I'm learning a bit about how my body uses that. My theory at the moment is that the reason I can lose weight with my diet, is because there's no carbs stored to be used as energy, and once the protein is gone, my body starts using the fats. For a normal person, the carbs would be basically the only thing used, and maybe some protein if they'd had it just before exercise.


So I feel like I've found a diet that works for me, and as long as I stick to my exercise, I will lose weight and reach my goal, which is that 100 kilogram mark.


The other main change that I've made is that I've totally cut out alcohol and caffeine. The caffeine is more to do with stress and anxiety issues, but the alcohol was for my condition. One drink and my arms and legs, and shoulders and neck all burn and ache, and I get really hot and red, and basically it makes me feel awful. But, aside from it being a lot better for my body, I also got inspired by a new(ish) hero of mine, a wrestler by the name of CM Punk. He lives a straight-edge life, which basically means no alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes. There's a bit more to it than that, but that's the basic idea. (for example, vegetarianism sometimes goes hand in hand with straight-edge.. but I can't do that, nor would I if I could). I'm not one of those preachy people who would tell you that you shouldn't drink because I don't, but I just choose not to put those things into my body any more. Everyone else's body is their own business.

The other thing that I wanted to write about in this post is pain tolerance. For a long time I've found it hard to understand, sympathise, even empathise with others when they are in physical pain. I'm sure this was just because of my condition, and being in a constant state of pain. Even as I'm sitting here, I have pains in my back, my jaw, my hands, and my eyes are a little sore. (Eyes have skeletal muscles, therefore are affected by my condition). I'm actually thinking about getting my eyes checked, just to make sure I'm not just fooling myself thinking that tired eyes are because of my condition. I can see everything fine, just not as clear as I should be I don't think.


But back to the pain tolerance thing. I can remember a lot of times my ex was in pain, be it a headache or a toothache, or some kind of pains in her leg or anything really, and I would make sure she was ok, but in my mind I would be thinking something along the lines of "Oh, you can't be in that much pain".. I had a real "suck it up" kind of attitude.


I'm not proud of that of course, but all I can say is that I was dealing with a lot of pain on a daily basis. I feel like that has pushed my pain tolerance way up, and what may be a 6 or 7 out of ten for someone else, would be a one or two for me. I handle pain pretty well, I mean, a kidney stone for me was about an 8, and it should be a 20 out of 10 from what I've been told.


I had a conversation with my Mum about this a couple of months ago. We talked about everything I just mentioned, about not being able to understand people's pain, feeling disconnected from it, feeling like they couldn't possibly be in that much pain, because to me it wouldn't be that bad. But, from talking about it with her, we figured out that the pain scale is a relative thing. Your four out of ten may be different from your best friend's four out of ten, but you still understand relatively how they'd feel. And to me, that was a bit of a revelation. Maybe I've just finally grown up properly though.


Wow, this is a long post isn't it? Ok I'm nearly done I promise. I mean, it has been 18 months, so you knew going in this wasn't going to be short.


The last thing I want to talk about is playing gigs. I'm actually hoping some of my new punk rock friends will read this, because it's quite hard to explain why I can't move in the back rooms of pubs and clubs with music blaring and people's ears already ringing from being on stage, and I want them to know why I leave early, and why I'm so exhausted after I finish playing. I swear, sometimes I must look like Meat Loaf after I finish.. I've heard he passes out sometimes.


I love playing shows. This last six months, playing shows with my best friend next to me, playing our songs we've spent multiple hours working on, refining, surprising each other with little ideas... it's simply amazing. And the reaction to our music has been 99.99% positive... ok there was one guy who called us lame.. but screw that guy.


But gigs are also the hardest thing I do. Again it's the little things that people don't have to think about normally, like how close the parking is, what time we're on vs what time we leave, how high off the ground the stage is (it's hard for me to get up onto high stages without steps, and even harder to get down), how long our set is, and, as I said in part two, crowds and things like that put me on edge a lot too.


I have the same issues with acoustic gigs as well, but to a lesser extent. We tend to have some longer breaks between songs, which sometimes annoys people I'm sure, but it's purely to give me a little rest so that I can play the rest of the gig.

I do sometimes feel bad though, when I'm playing full band shows, and we leave before the last band finishes. Sometimes we've left as soon as we finish playing. In fact, I remember one gig we played, Curt (my best friend) and I turned up about 10 minutes before we were supposed to start, so we walked in and walked straight on stage, played, and we'd left within 15 minutes of finishing the set.

Now, this is partially because we play a lot on week nights as we're just starting out, and Curt has to work the next day and we have to drive back to Ballarat from Melbourne, but it's also because I'm so spent physically that I can't stay. And that's what I feel bad about. We need to support each other as musicians, but I can't always. I also am not the most animated on stage, but that is simply to conserve energy for singing, which is what I find the most tiring.

I wouldn't change any of it though. I absolutely love the music we're playing. I love that it can be played acoustically, or plugged with a full band. I love that we have fans, and I love that I've made a whole new bunch of friends. The punk scene feels really inclusive. No matter what style you play, people are into it and are friendly. Aside from that one guy who thought we were lame.

The plus side is we have an awesome title for a new song. "Sorry for being so lame".



So that's it for this instalment. I'm considering starting a video blog, maybe once a week or something to talk about general issues and also give updates on my weight and band and what not.. but I don't know how much interest people would have in it. Let me know if that's something you'd like to see.


Thanks for reading, and as with last time, I'm sure there will be another part to this eventually.

I'm not like you: Part 2 (re-post)

It's been a little while since i wrote anything on here, but, there's always more i could explain about my condition. Writing the first part actually helped me understand what i have. Every day i learn a little something more about what i have, just by living. Like, "Oh, If i spend too long putting wax in my hair and working it around, my arms hurt".


So just to update a few things, I got a new treadmill, and it's amazing. Thankyou so much to the Steve Waugh Foundation (who also gave me a grant to buy a freezer), getting the new treadmill means i now have the ability to get back down to a weight i'm comfortable with, and also, store a lot of healthy food, rather than rely on processed meats and takeaway to get my protein serve for the day.


I'm trying to be more active, to do more things, the way things work with my body is in essence "the less i do, the less i can do". So by being more active, even if it's just playing guitar every day, or singing every day, or even going to gigs more, as well as my walking, I will be able to eventually handle staying at a gig for more than an hour or so.


I went to a gig on sunday, and sure enough, right around that hour mark my legs were killing me. I'm not sure what it is that causes it exactly, I was just standing there. But all i know is that by the time we left, my legs were feeling terrible. And also, I was woken up the next morning by a massive cramp in my calf muscle.


I should point out, comfort is a big thing for me. I'm not just talking about sitting in a comfortable chair, i mean, i tend to feel uncomfortable at other people's houses, at restaurants, at pubs and clubs. I don't necessarily mean physically uncomfortable, i just mean i suppose mentally uncomfortable would be the right term? But regardless, that in turn makes me physically uncomfortable because i don't relax, so my muscles are tensed up and i feel like i have to act "normal". Don't ask me why, i have no idea. Everyone wants on some level to fit in right? Even people who rebel, "goths', emo kids, punks, everyone fits into a certain group. It's hard to find a group of "people who have a rare condition that can't be diagnosed as yet".


So i spend a lot of time at home, some people see that as unhealthy.. "oh you need to get out more".. well to that i say, spend a day in my body, and tell me what you'd rather do? I stay at home, because it means that i have the energy to occasionally do other things.


Things that don't seem essential to "normal" people, such as Dvds and Video games, these things provide me entertainment. Think about your day, maybe you have a job, maybe you study, maybe a business. But that would take up the greater part of your day right? Now, imagine all of that time, for a whole week lets say, so that's what.. 40 hours or so (if you work 8 hours a day) .. imagine that time being spent not working. Just at home. You would need a lot of things to keep you entertained. For me those things tend to be my Laptop, my Dvd collection, and my Gaming. Also Pay Tv. I tend to watch a lot of sport as well, a lot of different sports. I used to play cricket, and soccer and basketball when i was growing up, and i can't imagine doing that now. So i have to "live vicariously" if you will, through watching sport and playing video games. I can't run around and play soccer, but by having FIFA 11 on my xbox, i can get a similar feeling. Also, going back to my original point, it passes the time. Spend 40 hours sitting on your couch, and you'll know what i mean.


So, to my friends who read this, I am trying to get more active, I want to be able to come round to your place occasionally, rather than the other way around all the time, but it's taking some time, and i know not all of you completely understand what i have. There are a couple of you that get it just about as well as i do though, and i appreciate the help you give me and everything.


On that subject I also really appreciate the help my mum gives me. She comes up here (to where i live) from Melbourne each fortnight, partially just to see me, but also to help me with my housework. Sure, i keep my house clean, it's not that hard if you just make a little effort (hehehe), but the bigger jobs i need help with. So thankyou.


Ok before i get to soppy i'm going to end this. I'm sure there will be a part 3 of this eventually, i'm always learning new things. Like, don't eat too much chicken. your foot will swell up.

I'm not like you: Part 1 (re-post)

So, the afformentioned blog on my disability. It's really hard to explain something when there's not a lot of information on it, but i'll do my best.


I try to give people a basic idea of what my condition is, but it's still hard to understand the limitations i have because of it. What i have is called a Glycogen Storage Disease, of which there are roughly 14 varieties, and so far no-one can tell me which of the varieties I have, with the exception of telling me I don't have the one that would have killed me before i was 5. Which i had already figured out, being that i'm alive. Anyway, what it means is that my body can't process carbohydrates and sugars the way it's supposed to. There are a series of enzymes, in a chain that break down carbs and sugars into what our muscles use as energy, and store it for future use. My body is missing at least one of those enzymes, so the process doesn't work. Because of that, my muscles can't get what they need to work properly.

This means i have weaker muscles, and a lower capacity for physical exertion. it also means i have to have a different diet. Which is a high protein/low carb diet. not a no carb diet, which is good, because it's hard to find a lot of variety in just eating meat. But the protein isn't stored as energy, so i have no reserve of energy in my body. If i do overdo it physically and there's no more "fuel" for my muscles, they start to break themselves down and feed on themselves basically, which can lead to something called Rhabdomyolosis, which can in turn lead to kidney failure. so it's kinda serious.

Unless i told you, you wouldn't know that even when i'm just sitting on a chair talking to you, usually i'll have at least 2 or 3 areas of my body that are aching, hurting, or some other kind of sore. for example, right now i'm sitting on my couch with my feet up, and well.. from top to bottom, my neck is sore, my shoulder hurts, my arms are aching, my fingers hurt, my butt is sore, my knees hurt and my feet are burning and sore. that's a normal day for me.

So that's one reason that i would have trouble finding a job. I think some of my friends feel like i should work, even though i have this thing. But i'm in the most comfortable space i can be, with the exception of bed, but still that hurts, and all of those parts of my body are sore. Try and imagine that in yourselves, and then put yourself into an uncomfortable location. Sure everyone has little pains and niggles, but it's not the same.


One of the things i find the hardest to deal with is disappointing people because i can't do something that's been planned. I missed my best friend's engagement party because i had a shower and then for some reason i could barely move for 2 or 3 hours. I didn't go to sydney for christmas partly because of not being able to sleep in my own bed, and worrying about how much my back would hurt. But i'm learning to put myself first, and knowing what my limits are. Something i didn't do as much when i was married.


Before any kind of activity I have to do a sort of mental check on how i'm feeling physically, how much the activity is going to take out of me, and if it's too much. I don't just mean things like going to a friend's place, or rehearsing with my band/s. I mean anything. Having a shower, washing clothes, doing dishes, feeding my cats, doing shopping.. all the things that most people never give a second thought to, i have to.

Also because my muscles aren't as strong it puts more pressure on my joints, which gives me a lot of back pain.

I'm also susceptible to getting gout.


I'm not trying to have a whinge here, or get everyone feeling sorry for me (that's just low), I just want to try to explain my condition as best i can.


I have an excercise regime that i try to adhere to, unfortunately my treadmill seems to be on it's last legs at the moment, but hopefully i'll be recieving a new one as part of a grant from the Steve Waugh foundation. But this thing that i have makes it very hard to keep weight off, which, as a lot of you have probably noticed, has meant that i've gained some weight over the last 2 years or so. Apparently a little too much for certain people...


I really wish that i'd known about this when i was in high school. it's hard not being able to keep up with everyone else physically, especially in a country town where there is a lot of emphasis put on sport. Luckily though, my condition hasn't stopped me from being able to play music, and sing, although i'm convinced the struggles i have with singing are connected. It just would have been nice to have an explanation for why i couldn't run around the lake, or why i sucked at the beep test (who else hates the beep test!?)


Anyway.. i can't really think of anything else about this at the moment, i'm sure there is some stuff that i've left out, which will probably appear in another entry at some point.


So i guess, don't judge a book by it's cover, coz underneath could be something you don't understand?


Cheers.